Amanda's Story

i was 17 i was seeing a 32 year old man when i went out with i thought he a nice to go out with. so we seeing each other all the time he was always whenare we going to sex so said when am ready i was so in love with him everthing was going fine till one day we went out for a christmas drink then it time for me go home so he walk with to the bus stop and my bus so i said see u tomorro an i gaved him a kiss on the cheek when i got home my mum and dad was mad with me 4 coming home late. my mum and dad know that there was some thing on. they were asking amanda what do when your out so said i go bowling with my matesthey didt believe me the next i went to collage .and when the weekends came up i went davids that was his name when i went 2 see him all he wanted 2 do was 2 have sex with me all the time then one day i had sex with him then after i had sex didt like it he was 2 stronge on me .befour i met him i have had be4 i met him but with didt want all the time. ! one day he ask me go away with him2stay at friends of his so i did go away with him for the weekend so i told my mum and dad that i was staying at some friend 2 night my mum didt believe me so she me to my friend number so i did but i gaved her the wrong number. so when got to davids he was to go so we set off we got the train when we got there when we got to his mates house we sat down his mate asked me do u want drink so i said no. when it was night time we all went out for a drink. when we got back i was drunk.me and david went 2 bed .the next morning it was time 4 me and david 2 go home. when we got home david walk me to the bus stop so my bus. so i see u later . when i got home my mum and dad was mad with me. my mum told me she rang my friend and the person who picked it up said youve got the wrong love thats how she find out that i was lieing to them so i went up stairs and i to my self thatsit am leaving so i phoned david up to ask him if could stay with you and he ! yes i dont mind so i left home when i got to davids it was about 8 oclock at night. David had spme money so he went out to get some drinks . when he came back he gave me a bottle of vodka so i started to drink it then i stop there was half left and i needed the toliet so i went .when i got i starte to drinking it then in a couple secounds i started to feel funny in my body my eyes was to go i couldt see very well i was starting to weak in side then i went out like a light i tried to open my eyes when i treid opening my eyes i just see david doing something then my eyes closed i couldt open them any more .the next morning i couldt remember anything that night i felt driffernt so i thought i must got an hang over. then in the after noon i started remember what i did i was having flash back i relise what david did to me he rape i wanted leave but i could david lock me in he was out some where i dont where when he got back i told him i said rape me didt you so he said s! o u remember then so i said yes . i said am going home now and david no your not and sai yes i am thats thathe wouldt letme go home i tried leaving he wouldt let me go so he got ahold of he got some rope to tie me up he tie my my legs apart he took my knickers off he got his fingers and put them in me there was tears coming down face i was so scared then after he finish raping me he still didt let me go i was there 4 a week it was three times a day he rape me so it was 21 time ive rape after a week he decide 2 let me go when i got i was so scared i got on the bus people were looking at me wheni got home i just told mymum and dad was staying at some friends and they never find out but i relise my life had change after the weekend i went to collage andmy had change because i used to a funny and a lound person but now am so quite and now am 18 am still the same person my friends complain that am too quite. am still scared going out some times am starting to enjoy ! my life i have a boyfriend who i love i told what happed to me and he felt so sorry for me am not leaving with my mum and dad am leaving with my boyfriend called martin and am happy to be with him weve been going out with each other 4 5 months so am trying to get my life back together now.

Faith's Story

This is a story about my relationship witth a guy named Juan and he raped ME! I was a young teenager, I was 15 and I was TOTALLY IN LOVE, that's what I thought at the time. I had met this particualar guy named Juan who was 17 at the time and I thought he really liked me because I was good looking girl and I didn't have no steady boyfriend, I thought of guys all the time, I had a few dates here and there, nothing serious. I really liked this juan guy so I was willing to give it a shot, we started talking and then became friends and eventually we became boyfriend/girlfriend. We went out for 5 years off and on, we got engaged down the road. I thought I found the man of my dreams. but I was dead wrong!. He turned out to be one of the biggest assholes of all time. During the relationship if you want to call it that, he wanted sex and he was very jealous if I hung out with another guy. He wanted sex anytime anywhere. if I didn't give it to him, he would do anything he could think at the time to make me very scared and I froze so he could do it right there.! I t worked everytime, One time I tried to get away but it wouldn't work, ASSHOLE! I say NO he did it anyway, in broad daylight where everyone can see or during the dark where no one can see. He have done it to me in his room, on the couch, on a car, in a high school parking lot right next to a car, in the car,in the park. I was 15 when it all happened and it progressed for 2 years. I was under age, If I wanted it or not which I didn't, I gave in one day, I got tired of fighting with him and he knew I was waiting until marriage for sex. HE RAPED ME! NO BUTS !RAPE IS RAPE, NO FUCKING excuse. Why I stay with him through the whole thing, because I was young and I loved him and I thought he was the one for me. Finally in college when I was 19, I said ENOUGH, we are finished. I eventually found out he cheated and lied to me, he told me I was the only girl for him, which I wasn't. He fucked around with my best friend who I had at the time. They were going to get married at th! e time, He lived with her for a while when he had an apartmen! t with his uncle. She eventaully had a son which we thought it was his, but it wasn't. He tried to get back with me one more time and I said NO and he told me he had somebody else and they were going to get married and they did and he is now divorced and has 2 kids and I am married and I have a daughter. We went our seperate ways and I saw him a few times after we broke up and I don't know what he is doing now and I don't want to know. May God forgive him as I forgave him and I don't hate him, but I don't like what he did to me. RAPE IS RAPE AND IT NEEDS TO BE STOPPED! I never reported him because I was scared and I will never forget, the memories will always be there.I am 25 years old now and I have my life and I have learned to move on but it will always bother me what he did to me. I am a born again Christian and I believe in IN JESUS CHRIST, Jesus helped me though it and he can help you through yours. I wrote this because I hope it help you. May God bless you and know! that you aren't alone. I suffer from depression and a lack of trust because of what happened to me, sometimes I think I shoulda shot the asshole who hurt me. Someday God will judge him on his actions and he deserves what he gets. 9/20/03, By Faith Ramsey-Porter

Jane's Story

i was down at the beach with my parents . they went to watch the parade that was going on and peter came up to me and we started talking. he asked me questions about where we lived, and the firework display that was going on that evening. after about 10 minuites of just talking, he pulled me towards him and kissed me. i told him that i wasn't ready for a relationship because my last boyfriend got me pregnant and when i told him he started to hit me and 4 weeks later i had a miscarriage. peter left and then i went for a walk while the fireworks because i am an asthmatic and the smoke was making me feel sick. when i was walking he pulled me towards him and kissed me again. i tried to get away but he told me that he would hurt me if i tried to get away and he pulled a knife towards me. then he raped me. about 20 minuites later he stopped and told me to get back to my parents. i ran away and went to my bestfriends house who i have had a crush on for over a year and told him ! what happened. he told me that it was okay and that he would always be there for me and that i had to tell someone. i told him that i would and he called my sister and got her to take me home. three weeks later i went to the doctor because i was feeling sick and i skipped my period and he did a pregnancy test and it turned out that i was pregnant. i told my sister and my best friend. my sister let it slikp to my brother who went over to my best friends house and tried to bash the crap out of him because he thought that he was the one who got me pregnant. i and now 13 weeks pregnant. i told my parents by writing them a letter and they still think that it was my best friend (dustin) who got me pregnant and i don't know what to do. i can't tell them the truth because i was raped when i was 3 and my father nearly killed the guy that did it to me then. dustin and i are now going out and he said that no matter what happens he will always be there for me and the baby, and he ! doesn't care about the sex and that he will wait as long as i! t takes, but i wand the bastard who did this to me in the first place to pay for what he did so no one else will have to go through the same thing, but i dan't want to have to keep reliving the memory. i need help but it seems like i can't turn to my parents, just my brothe, sister, and now dustin.

Jane's Story

He was my best friend. Dominic. I loved him like mad and from the day we met I never left his side. He taught me to play pool and helped me through a couple of family crises. He also introduced me to drugs. Pot and coke mostly. We hung out a lot at his friend's house, drugging and being stupid. Harmless stuff really. And he was always so good to me, protective of me. I loved him. And he knew I was a virgin. He asked me a lot-"are you sure?" "Are you for real". I guess I should have known that there was something shady about that. It didn't matter though. My virginity was a source of pride for me. I was eighteen and untouched and wanted very much to stay that way. Except that one night we were hanging out, business as usuall and I got a little too trashed. I was out of it and I told him I wasn't feeling so hot. I went to the bathroom and he followed me in. He asked if I loved him and I said I did. He asked if I ever wanted anything to happen between us and! I said, "I think if you were to leave and we hadn't been together, I would regret it." He was leaving to go to San Diego but I didn't know when. And when he asked if I wanted to be with h im, I din't mean have sex. I didn't want to have sex until I was married or at least in a very committed relationship.. He knew that. He leaned over and kissed me and I let him. I told him I wasn't feeling good again but he didn't listen, he just started taking off his clothes and my clothes. He put my hand on him and made my rub him. I tried to pull away and he let me go. I moved to leave but he grabbed me and pulled me down onto the floor on top of him. He was six six and two fifty. I'm five two, hone twenty. He made me sit on him, forced himself into me while I was on top. It hurt in the most unimaginable way. I'd been told that the first time hurts, but this was a ripping, tearing, bone crunching kind of pain. I cried and told him not to, that it hurt so much, but he kept! going, thrusting upwards until i was completely broken up inside. Then he rolled me onto the floor and got on top until he finished. When he was done he got up and went for a cigarette. When I tried to leave he told me I couldn't, I had to drive him home in the morning. I was afraid to disobey, so I actually spent the night on the floor, sleeplessly watching him, afraid he would come back. The next day I went home and showered. I was swollen and it hurt to touch, to wash, and I was bleeding pretty steadily. I put on a pantiliner and went to work where he worked as well. A mutual friend of ours came over and started yelling at me for having sex with Dominic- he said I was a slut and that I'd regret losing my virginity that way. NO, Really? I quit my job to get away from him, from every one who found out really quick and started giving me those dirty looks and sneaky comments. I still cry about it, especially at night. I'm not proud any more. I'll never get to gi! ve the most sacred part of my body to the person of my choice. I've told friends but mostly they don't see it as a big deal. One even told me I should have tried harder to keep dominic from leaving. I'm in therapy, and it seems that I'm just now starting to really feel what happened. I still remember that pain, I still remember the sweat running down his neck and dripping onto my face. I remember his hands forcing me down on top of him and I remember the rythm of his body. Most of all I remember the last time I saw him at work. He told me I was the craziest person he'd ever met. He told me to get out of his face because I was a worthless slut and I was wasting his time... unless I wanted to have sex again. I see someone who looks like him and it kills me. I'm so scared all the time. I want to be me again and I'm trying really hard to get there. I'm okay though. I refuse to let him ruine my life. My new best friend (a girl!) tells me that my virginity is still m! ine to give, that next time it'll be special. I think she might be right.

Message: Hello. I am 13 years old and I was raped on October 23, 2002. I was with my Boyfriend at the K-Mart in a small town called Delran, NJ. We were looking at tire rims together when I had to go to the bathroom. I said I would be right back that I was running to the bathroom really quick. When I passed the lawn furnature I sensed that someone was following me but I did not see anything suspicious. I quickly walked to the front and the bathroom was upstairs and when I got to the 3rd step I knew a man was following me. I did not really think anything of it because the mens room was upstairs too. I got to the top and opened the ladies room door. I went into the stall and the door opened to the bathroom when I was using the toilet. When the bathroom door closed I heard the lock click on the door. Then I started to freak out because I then realized this man was following me. I slowly came out and he was standing right there and he grabbed me. He threw me to the floor and told me to take my pants and underware off and when I said I said I would'nt he punched me in the stomach and I fell to the floor. He proceded to take off my pants and underware. I screamed but no body heard me. He pulled his penis out and pushed inside me. He was finished 10 minutes later and I knew I had atleast 3 broken fingers and maybe even a broken wrist from struggling against him. He was not a small man and even a 12 yr. old didnt have a chance even with 6 years of Karate. He told me not to tell anybody or he would kill me. I went back into the stall and cleaned myself up some and then went back downstairs and he was gone. I found my Boyfriend and just said that we had to leave the store. We went out into the parking lot and thats when I started crying. He just hugged me and I told him what happened. He said that he loved me and he would find him. He asked if he was still in the store and I said no and he pulled out his cell phone to call police. I stopped him. He told me that I should report it. I couldn't. He just sat hugging me in the parking lot and comforting me. Later he took me to get something to eat but I couldn't. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant. It was the bastard that raped me.I went to get a pregnancy test and it was positive. I just sat and cried. I went out for awhile to calm down. Then I called Rob. I was happy for the first time that night in 2 weeks. I was gonna have a baby and he was always going to be there for me. A month and a half later it was still only me and Rob that knew I was pregnant. We were going to tell my parents soon. The day after Christmas I was in the Sams Club in Delran and I was with my grandmother and her friend when it happened. I was only 2 months pregnant and I stupidly went to pick up a 75 lb. box. I lifted it and it felt like I was stabbed in my stomach. The pain was worse than the rape. I put the box in the cart and told my grandmom I was running to the bathroom and I ran in a stall and I was bleeding very heavily and I knew the baby was gone. I sat down and called Rob. He was almost in tears trying to comfort me because I wanted the baby. I was really upset. I bled for 2 weeks and it finally stopped. I took another pregnancy test but I already knew it was negative. The Baby was gone. I cried for weeks for my baby. My life was falling apart. My baby was gone. I had to move with my parents from my grandmothers house because of all the stress my grandmom gave me. I had nearly killed her with emotions. I lived with her from the time I was 11 months old and then I was gone. Things were going great until June when I broke up with Rob because I found out he was cheating on me. On July 17th I would have been due to have my baby. I cried. I have been having nightmares reliving the rape for everynight until last week when my friend told me to dream about flying pigs. That works. I have stopped thinking about it and I want to share what happened now that I feel better about the rape. I am now with my parents, my sister, my brother, my neice and nephew, and many great friends. My life is turning for the good now. I am happy again. Danielle

Tracy's Story

well i am 15 years old and i was working with my cousin at a house, i had went to the bathroom for a somke and to pee i come out and he start to touch me i got scared, i did not know what to do i was only 13 at the time so i went home that night my mom and younger sister were watching a movie. i would not even watch it with them at around 1:40 that morning my mom come in my room i was crying she asked me what happend and i told her nothing she said something happend i told her that Frank did something to me she asked me what i told her that he touched me and that i felt like ending my life because i was scared and i though that it was my falt. i am now 15 and still have not got over what happen i dont think i never will. I never reported and dont think i will

Ashley's Story

 Hello. My name is Ashley. I'm 14 year old. When I was 12 I was raped by my boyfriend, a person I trusted alot. I don't know what hurt more someone I loved had just broke my trust, or I my body had been violated. I never told anyone,not even my mother for 2 years. I was so scared and never realized other people had been hurt in the same way too. Thank you soo much for making this site!

Jane's Story

I was only an 11 wane this happened. (I am 12 now) well my mother took me to a park to play for a while she said she was going to pick up some things for my grandmas birthday and be right back so I played at the park with some other kids but then a strange guy with a black cape asked if I could help him find his dog (I said yes) he led me down to an ally way and said I sall him come down this way it started to get dark out side soon we came to a dead end he said it will not hurt at the time I did not no what he was talking about he kept on saying it will not hurt I promise over and over agene. he pushed me down on the gravel took my shirt and pants off I screamed for help he said If I would not be quit he would kill me I did not no what to do at the time I was scared he took his shirt off he got on top of me. He started kissing me and touching me I said no no please stop it he did not stop. thane he took his pants of and stuck it in me. I screamed and screamed but no body heard me he got off of me and said if you run away he would kill me. He said for me to get dressed he took me to a strange house he led me to a bedroom he gave me a drink I fell Asleep And that is all I remember wane I woke up he was gone I rushed out of the house went to a lady and asked if I could use her phone she said yes I c! alled 911 the police came in a short while and caught the man who had did this to me the police dropped me back at the park and my mother was in tears wane she heard what happened right away we went home had happened. thats my story...

Jen's Story

I was walking home in the park one cold rainy say as i was walking a red chevy corvette drove up a nice man role sown the window said "hey need a ride" I shouldn't of took it but i did i noticed to late that he did not take me close to home but a ware house far away..he durg me in the ware house here he tied me up i couldn't move.All I remember then was his penis rushing up&dw to my 12yr old boby i thought i was gonna die.then he walked away picked up the phone I couldn't hear what he said but then 10min. later 5 big men came in they put me on this table each had a wieght of at least 200pds fucking me i couldn't breathe one would be in my pussy another in my mouth they told me if i bit there dicks they would kill me so i went along with it dying i could only of been so lucky of to die they kept on an kept one till i thought i had been moved form my boby.then the first guy grabed me an though me in the river beside the warehouse.. then i remember waking up with a coat around me my pussy heavaly bleading a couple of people walking along the rive had spoted me they told me" 911 is on the way " it came and i got better.I told the police the mans profile they arrested him. but to this day i cant go back to that park,river,warehouse. I fell like a slut even now 4yrs later.

Christina's Story

Three years ago i was raped and he was my friend and i feel so much shit i want to help myself but it is so hard because i trusted him. I just want to kill him. I blame myself because i just feel so low. can't belive it happened. I feel like i want to kill myself because that is the easy way out of it. I didn't report until now because i was scared. I only went up to huis house and played cards and he took my hand and took me to his bedroom. When he raped me i shouted stop and he hit me. I keep blaming my self for it. I keep having flashbacks and he only lives upp the road so i see him.